Managing Conflict

Reflect on a conflict with a friend, significant other, family member, or co-worker. Using concepts from this week: communication climates and conflict, write about the conflict, influences on the conflict and the conflict ending. You should also write about what you would do next time through what you have learned from conflict management.

Managing Conflict

Conflict

Definition:

Involves an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources and interference from the other parties in achieving their goals.

Key Ideas

Expressed struggle – has to be verbally or nonverbally communicated
2 interdependent parties – Includes 2 parties that depend on each other
Perceived Incompatible – goals, resources, or interference to achieve one’s goals

Conflict as defined by Mean Girls

Mean Girls and Conflict Theory (Links to an external site.)Links to an external site.

Conflict Styles

While these styles are individual, conflict always involves two people who each have different conflict styles.

Avoidance – avoiding the conflict (loose-loose)

skirting
Sniping – negative comment followed by abandoning the encounter
pseudo-conflict

Accommodating (loose-win)

Direct Aggression/Competition (win-loose)

Passive Aggression (win-loose to lesser degree) can be the appearance of accommodation then either punishment or guilt or alternate agenda.

Compromise (win/loose-win/loose or negotiated loose-loose)

Assertion/Collaboration (win-win)

Choose the most appropriate – pg 366 table 11.1

Situation
The other person involved
Your goals

Conflict Resolution

Friends and Conflict Resolution (Links to an external site.)Links to an external site.

Gottman – The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse and Relationship Repair

Gottman started his research in 1970’s creating the “Love Lab” and can predict with ~91% accuracy from watching couples argue for 3 minutes weather the relationship will thrive or fail. He started by looking at predictors for divorce in heterosexual couples but has expanded to looking at marriages and committed relationships, and same-sex relationships.

4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse

Criticism – negative statements about your partner
Defensiveness – blaming your partner
Stonewalling – disengaging from the argument – no response and looking away, like they don’t care about what the other person is saying
Contempt – Sarcasm, cynicism, name-calling, eye-rolling, sneering, mockery and hostile humor which can convey disgust.

Real Examples:

Examples of 4 Horseman of Apocalypse (Links to an external site.)Links to an external site.

3 things never to say in an argument (Links to an external site.)Links to an external site.

Relationship Repair

7 Principles for Making Marriage/Committed Relationships Work (Links to an external site.)Links to an external site.

Enhancing your Love Maps
Nurture your Fondness and Admiration
Turn toward each other instead of away
Let your partner influence you
Solve your Solvable Problems
Overcome grid lock
Create Shared Meaning

Gottman on Relationship Repair (Links to an external site.)Links to an external site.

Emotional Bank Account (Links to an external site.)Links to an external site.– Making small everyday sacrifices and making efforts to notice and appreciate the kindnesses of your partner. This will sustain you when demanding times arise and efforts may fall short. This will help with Social Exchange Theory (Rewards Theory) to keep the relationship viewed as positive. Positive interactions (Rewards) to negative interactions must be in a ratio of at least 5:1 to predict longevity.

Some ways to contribute to your Emotional Bank Account

Remember the little things that count
Be attentive and supportive
Do something special
Remember important dates
Fight with mutual respect
Keep it positive

Emotional Bank Account (Links to an external site.)Links to an external site.

Conflict Management

Problem Solving

Define your needs
Share your needs
Listen to the other person’s needs
Generate possible solution (i.e. more than one)
Evaluate the possible solutions and choose the best one
Implement the solution
Follow up the solution (did it work) – this is an important step that most people forget to do.